Ways Of Finding Happiness After You Are Married
If you followed the principles in the preceding chapter, it is not likely that you need to see a marriage counselor. You are probably enjoying a very happy marriage. But perhaps you did not know, and you have stumbled and made mistakes.
Now you are afraid you have problems and you don’t know what to do. And even though you may have a happy marriage (thank God!), there is not one perfect marriage anywhere. The reason: there is no perfect man or woman anywhere. Therefore in every marriage there is room for improvement. (Africa has about as many different kinds of problems a ‘there are people.
Any book that would solve all the problems of marriage in rural and urban Africa, traditional and modern, would have to be as big as a mountain. There is no such book. But there is a Saviour, and He is more valuable than all the books in all the libraries in the world. This book is intended to bring you in contact with the help He provides.
(I) Believe that the Lord wants you to be happy and a good marriage. If you don’t learn anything else it (can in this book, this alone may be the solution to‘‘iii problem. [he reason for this is that unless you believe that the I aid cares about you and is concerned for your personal you are chained to a slavery of unbelief that hinder seek from being yourself in freedom.
As long as you secretly feel that there are far away from you, or He doesn’t care, or He mud at you and wants to see you suffer, you will belied by Satan to make all kinds of mistakes that willies make your situation worse.
A person whose mind distraught and whose heart is cast down cannot make decisions at any time. You are short-circuited in your “. You may think you are doing the right thing while are driving a wedge that is separating you further from your husband/wife.
Beware of the widespread feeling that suffering and may be “the will of Allah” for you. Millions I’ nothing to improve their situation because they have unconsciously absorbed a fatalism based on this false and depressing idea.
This is the victory that over cometh the world, even our faith. Any unhappiness in marriage is caused by “the world”. “The world” produces slavery of all kinds, “we, however, are citizens of heaven”.
Citizens held hostage by a foreign nation have no way to be free. They are captives. But, says John, you are not a captive if you have ‘faith.”!faith becomes your own vote copied Thus you “overcome.” Don’t misunderstand — this does not mean that it takes you out of your marriage! To break up your marriage may not be the Lord’s solution to your problem.
Finding peace and happiness within your marriage is for everyone can learn to exercise faith, no matter how many mistakes he has made. If you do not exercise faith, the Lord does not get angry with you and punish you;
It is Satan who lies to us and wants us to believe that the Lord our enemy and wants to torment us. This is non-faith, is unbelief. It is thinking that God is “against” us.
Is your faith weak? As sure as day follows night, if volt will look to the cross, that great sacrifice God made by your redemption, and see how “He.. .spared not His own Son” for you, you will “see” how He will “freely [you] all things” for your best good.
When He came to us own home town of Nazareth, “He could there do to mighty work.. .because of their unbelief”, He wanted to, but He couldn’t. Unbelief hinders what to do for. You sickness, It is worse even than any other thing But you can overcome it! Whatever your problem, make your choice to believe will God is your kind and loving heavenly Father who wants to deliver you.
You may think it is very difficult to believe, and your whole soul may cry out against believing because your situation appears hopeless. But you can choose to believe. This is the secret worth a million dollars! A distraught father of a tormented boy came to Jesus with the pathetic plea, “If Thou canst do anything, have on passion on us and help us.” many doubt that (lod can do anything because everything seems to have You can meeting, pleased it” But real all such a justify for it is unbelief itself.
Questions both God’s willingness and it shows that we not understand the cross where Jesus died for us, and we are not yet reconciled to God. We don’t believe He truly loves us. Jesus turned the “if” right around backwards, and said to the father, “If thou can’t believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.” Then He waited for the father’s response. The father made the choice that has brought help to untold millions of people every since, and to you
If you will pray that same prayer, you will never be lost. it is the beginning of that faith “that over cometh the world.” When you pray, choose to believe, and always add words like these:
Thank You, Lord for hearing my request. I believe You love me because You gave Your only Son to die in my place.
I choose to believe that You will give me what is for my best good. Thank You for answering my prayer, and I choose to wait patiently until the right time comes when I can see the answer that now I accept by faith….
In the name of Jesus, Amen. Such a prayer is in harmony with Jesus’ own words: “All things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive”.
The next step in finding help for a troubled marriage may seem more difficult, but it is important: (2) Believe that God brought you and your husband/Wife together and that He intends that your marriage become a success.“What therefore God hath joined together, let notice put asunder”.
The word “man” means or female; for either husband or wife to try to “put asunder” what he or she knows “God joined together” requires tremendous elicit! he or she must try to reason that God did not the joining together in the first place. lanky and Anne were having serious problems, and to see me.
We have prayed and tried to read the Bible, neither does any good. We wonder if we made to get married. If so, how could we ever learn be happy together?”
“Everything was wrong,” Anne replied. “We both Cried against our parents. We turned away from them. We thought we were madly in love, when we were. Neither of us was a Christian; in fact we ‘ for running away from God. And to top it all, we eloped married without our parents’ consent.”
It was asked, isn’t it our duty to divorce?” I did not know what to say! As their pastor, I had known that both were trying to suppress enormous inner explosions from erupting like a volcano, but I hadn’t guessed that this was the problem. I silently prayed that the Lord might give me some wisdom, for I certainly had none.
“Do you get the point? The Lord alters the sinner’s birth certificate when he is converted to Christ, and writes that he was born in Soon, or Jerusalem.”
And when in later life you were both converted and chose to follow the Lord, He wiped out all that miserable past and intents’ that you were born in ‘Zion’ all the time. Even ‘Isaiah you did not seek the Lord’s blessing when you married, He ‘counts’ that you did because you do speedy.
He is a generous Father to us, for ‘He call those telling which be not as though they were.
Look, Henry and Anne: justification by faith is a ‘of our faith for righteousness, so that we stand for God as though we had never sinned at all. Not once in our whole lifetime His justification covers since your birth, and that means that His guidance you, too.
You remember how Jacob was intend. l forget the birthright, even before he was born? He went getting it in the wrong way, but nonetheless, he in the end.
You went about things the wrong way, he Lord led still. No — don’t ever think of divorce!”
A great burden was lifted from their hearts. They the point. They saw the love of God for them as they never understood it before. I am glad to say that after years, they are still happily married.
Where they lived, divorce was such a common “solution” to marriage problems that they were tempted to this was the only way out of their difficulty. But brings shame and ridicule on the Lord Himself; putting asunder what He Himself has joined together, thus is a form of “antichrist.”
You know that a wild lion in the bush will flee him you if you courageously rush toward him as though attack him? The Bible likens Satan, our enemy, to “a religion,…seeking whom he may devour.” But we air (old to “resist the devil, and he will flee from you”
If you do not believe that the Lord brought you highly her, then Satan will have opportunity to suggest all kinds of doubts to you. “Resist” him with firm confidence in the Lord and that He has led you in your life. Come to the tile should never see an ordinary but the Best One is the. You a lot of petrol to find Him, or wait in office for hours for an interview. And He doesn’t charge money, either, like ordinary marriage counselors do. either, He has more wisdom.
We understands your particular problem much better than any marriage counselor could understand it even if you had and he spent twenty-four. Case for many. How do you find is Mage Couse11 simple prayer, Many husbands and wives feel very strange about getting on their knees together to talk with the Lord. They have never done it, and they are embarrassed. But why be embarrassed to do the simplest thing that the Lord says to do, “Ask and ye shall receive”? Perhaps the trouble is that we are ashamed to ask Him for anything because we know we have dishonored Him so much. But this is false pride based on the heathen idea of salvation by works. It is the idea that you have to bring some offering with you to make the Lord feel good towards you, to earn His favour. No, that is not the way to come.
Don’t try to come in your own merits. Come just as you are, weak, sinful, polluted, unworthy, and depend only on the merits of Christ.
Another reason why husbands and wives are often ‘ashamed to kneel together to pray is that they have been unfaithful to each other or have wronged each other by (and quarrels. Satan makes them feel that it would I.. foolish to pray together, or that one will despise the with as a hypocrite. But to pray together is just what lee? need in order to find healing.
“But I don’t know what to say when I pray!” you object. “There is no prayer in the Prayer Book for with ands and wives to say after they have quarreled.” There is not; but there are plenty of prayers in the filmic that people who have made mistakes may pray. It best Prayer Book that ever was.
Have mercy upon me, 0h God, according to Thy loving kind according unto the multitude of Thy tender mercies,. Blow out my transgressions.. .i acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin ever before me Lord, be merciful unto me: heal my soul; for I have sinned “Meanest
It is good for husband and wife to pray together heat in trouble, but it is better to pray together daily sat regular habit. Millions of happy families have establish- what they call the “family altar.” It is a time in theory morning or in the evening when they pause from busy toil to seek the Lord together. When Adam (I live were in the Garden of Eden, they talked with us lord every day. Although none of us is in that Garden show, it is still our privilege to talk with the Lord every tiny! It is a blessing that doesn’t cost a cent; but you are heating yourselves if you don’t have a family altar in home.
If someone does you a favour, you say, “thank you!” Being thankful is the reason for having a “family altar” in your home. You tell the Lord, “Thank you!” you want your home to be connected by the wires,. so that you can have light and power A “family altar” is as simple as that — you with the power-house of heaven You have a telephone line to God’s throne.
That makes no difference when it comes to prayer. Does the Lord restrict His rain and sunshine to church members? Every blessing you enjoy is the direct gift of your heavenly Father, even though none of us deserves anything from His hand. He is your Friend already, even though you may not have known it. Don’t feel like you have to prove yourself worthy before you can kneel to talk with the Lord. Jesus’ often -repeated message to the common people of His day was that “your heavenly Father” cares about you. All you have to do is “come,” just as you are.
(Let the Lord lead you to the right church in His own good time and way.) Do you have to have a “Prayer Book” and follow a set form of words? No! No angel would dare shut you out from the presence of “your heavenly Father” because you didn’t use the right form of words.
Little by little you can add your own words to express your individual thoughts. Let the children hear you pray out loud; pray for them, and ask Lord to give you wisdom as parents.
Introduce the highline to their heavenly Father. [here are some wild monkeys who live in a forest earn my home. If they are hungry, only one of them is enough to come up to me to take from my a banana that I offer them. All the rest want it but logic at me in fear, not daring to “come.”
But suppose your spouse won’t kneel down and pray you, even if you are willing? Be very careful now don’t make a mistake! (a) Don’t assume that he/she hopelessly lost “heathen.” Be patient — the Lord work on the heart. Don’t get in the Lord’s way. Don’t him/her farther away from the Lord by reproach Inuit finding. Sometimes a person’s heart as well as the hotly becomes “sick” — healing can come. (b) Go ahead mud have the “family altar” by yourself for the present.
Let husband and wife express love to each other. say “I love you” is often thought to be soft and send dental, not worthy of a strong man. Customs vary in cultures; but all human beings are the same at. All need to know that they are loved and to hear one way or another. Sometimes ignorant people will try to drive a motor- that has no oil in it. Even the most expensive engine will quickly burn out if not its moving parts.
On to group Without croon love but don’t To run your marriage We human beings all around this world are lost without a Saviour. Billions of people are reared to be hard-hearted men and women.
They know no tenderness. Cold, loveless homes produce tyrants and dictators in abundance, ready to be ruthless to anyone who gets in their way. The greatest Man who ever walked this earth was loving, and expressed His love to every human soul whom He met. And yet He was strong at the same time.
Perhaps “Babylon” has hidden the true Christ from their view, like clouds that hide a snow-capped mountain peak. Human beings without love become worse than animals, for they become actually cruel.
And the only notice of true love is the love of God revealed at the cross uric the Saviour died for a hardhearted, cruel world. You I will never in any way learn to give love unless we ( receive love from Him: “Love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, nod knoweth God.
We love Him, because He first loved us, All the terrible troubles that afflict this world come I.’ true that love is almost unknown. This is why citizens many lands nearly starve for want of basic necessities life while a few “high up” people become so wealthy elite they don’t know what to do with their huge amounts “I money.
The love of God revealed at the cross has been bidden from them. And millions of poor people are just selfish.
All this is hardheartedness, a lack of compassion, hopelessness in action. But the love of Christ works a miracle in changing he basic attitudes of the human heart. A new principle created from within because this new idea has entered it without. Here is how love goes to work and makes change in the human heart: The love of Christ constrained us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead: and that He died for, that they which five should not henceforth live unto themselves, hut unto Him which died for them, and rose again.
Each human being would seek the good of his fellow human being. We would have a heaven on earth! Well, there is a lot of changing to be done, and guns and prisons won’t do it. The little factor to generate this love are our homes, water in the rivers drive the hydro-electric plants that send power everywhere In their relation to each other in the home, husband and wife are at the nuclear centre of this little factor of love.
“How can I make my partner happy? “is the uppermost thought, not “how can I find pleasure?”
When Satan wants us to think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, there is a heavenly common sense born of love that enables us to see through that lie. Husband and wife must never share their domestic secrets with any other person.
They have become “one flesh.” No other person, not even a relative, is to enter into that “one flesh” intimacy.
A lady writer in Today in Africa (May-June 1980) has said wisely: Exposing family problems to the society does not help at all.
This is because room Of lagers are always on the look-out for individual domestic trials. Many a marriage has broken up as a result of gossip. Each time a misunderstanding between a wife and a husband occurs, it is grossly exaggerated and sensationalized.
And as you may know, wherever a third party is involved things never s9rt out by themselves. This is usually found among women. Whenever their husbands go out they get together in one house and start gossiping.
They compare their husbands in various acuities and the foolish woman may be started on her way to divorce.
The structure of the clan or family in many parts of‘\Area has made it traditional for the exposure of everyone’s faults and failings to full view, including that the children.
The Song of Songs describes a relationship of husband and wife that is utterly private: “Promise me, women of let us ale; swear by the swift deer and the gazelles that will not interrupt our love” .
Many marriage has broken up as a result of gossip. Each time a misunderstanding between a wife and a husband occurs, it is grossly exaggerated and sensationalized. And as you may know, wherever a third party is involved things never give attention.
Whenever their husbands go out they get together in one house and start gossiping. They compare their husbands in various acuities and woman may be started on her way to divorce.
The structure of the clan or family in many parts of has made it traditional for the exposure of one’s faults and failings to full view, including that the children.
This stubborn pride of self in our own little home circle, we can present an offering to the Lord that will be pleasing to Heaven. Angels from heaven will actually come to visit your home, and they will have an influence on your entire neighborhood, even your city and your nation. In this way, a few happy homes filled with Heaven’s sunshine will be a light to an entire dark nation.
One such happy home will be a demonstration that Christ’s sacrifice on the cross was not in vain. Thus it will be an effective means of defeating Satan and will have widespread influence for good.
The wicked who live all around you may not know now that they have been spared destruction because of you, but in the Judgment Day they will learn the truth. To refuse to confess and ask forgiveness is to harden the heart against the pleading of the Holy Spirit: Grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
There is the secret! Again, we learn that we don’t have the inward capability of ourselves to be successful. Only as we appreciate how “God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven” us, can we learn to be “kind,.. .tender hafted, forgiving one another” in the home.
So there again we are taken back to the cross of (‘There again we see His love revealed. And there alone we find healing medicine for this destructive poison our personal pride and stubbornness. The best ‘insurance” against family strife -up is for husband and wife to live to help other sun(l not just to live for their own selfish pleasure.
If husband and wife Milo the world’s advertising to deceive them they will pond their time and money gathering things for their own’ personal, selfish enjoyment. Then they will shrivel up like
They would welcome Him, whereas the Jews were plotting to kill Him. This could have been a temptation to Jesus. The outside world would treat Him better than the Jews would! Why stay in Jerusalem and be crucified? Then Jesus told them how He had understood a lesson from Nature, which we all need to learn: Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abided alone: but if it die, it brightly forth much fruit.
Thank you, He said in effect, but I shall not go with you to Europe. I shall stay right here where My Father has appointed Me to be, and I shall “fall into the ground and die” like a seed. Only in this way can I bring forth “much fruit.” If we live to ourselves as the vast majority of earth’s people do, we shall be like seeds that lie on a shelf until they just dry up and wither away. By giving yours keep yourself, that is, you find true happiness.
A marriage that is devoted to serving others, to lifting others’ heavy burdens and bringing them happiness, will most likely be a happy marriage. Your own troubles tend to disappear as you are concerned for others. Husband fall wife find fun sacrificing together for a good cause. This of course means love in action. It is “to be ready to every good work” not in a mere “do-good, goody-goody” manner, but as the outward expression of an inner love that has come from the Savior of the world. Since Abraham was chosen to be “the father of the faithful,” God’s people have been called to be “the light of the world.”
“In thee shall all families of the earth be blessed,” the Lord promised (compare Matthew 5:14; Genesis 12:3). Now let other “families of the earth” be “blessed” by your family! Therefore open your home to needy young people.
Often the church is the most available way for a marriage (‘couple to find a way to serve. If a church proclaims. mire true gospel of Jesus Christ, it will provide many for service in the name of the Lord.
Problem happiest married people in the world today are who work with the Lord for the uplifting of their -men. As outside influences have permeated Africa, there come a growing preoccupation with material things. Happiness is equated with fine clothes, a beautiful house, expensive furniture and appliances, an impressive motor- Such luxuries have become available at the very time world history when they are most deceptive and dangerous and least appropriate.
Many thoughtful people are now “careful” about dangerous selfish materialism. They deny themselves luxuries they could afford and are moving “back to the land” to get away from the materialistic orgies of the big cities with their advertising.
One tenth is returned to Him as tithe, and offerings as we wish to respond to the promptings of His Holy Spirit. The tithe is returned to the church which you believe faithfully proclaimsthe full gospel of Christ.
Seldom does a husband or wife have marital discord who put the Lord first in their lives by returning tithes and offerings to Him, and together bringing sunshine into others’ lives. Never since the world began have its peoples been so immersed in the sea of materialism as they are today.